雅思作文批改（希望专业人士可以评分和点出问题以及改正方法）

雅思作文批改（希望专业人士可以评分和点出问题以及改正方法）
题目：Nowadays,there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies ratherthan positive developments. Some people think it is harmful to individuals andto society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
文章：
Today,we can see more and more bad news appearing on our television like schoolshooting accidents, aircraft accidents or some natural catastrophe. These kindsof news really shock people to a great extent. There exist some people harboringan idea that the trend of more negative news reported by media is detrimentalto our society and individuals. I can’t fully agree with this opinion.

Tobegin with, I think the biggest value of news is letting people know the truthand providing people with more useful information. Comparing with the news seemingto be harmonious, people are more supposed to know the news reflecting thereality, which is more profound. For instance, several aircraft accidentshappened last year stimulated people’s nerves about taking plane, and gave riseto people’s high attention on plane safety. Henceforth, people would be morecautious when they were to choose airline. In addition, the pressure came frompublic attention would force the related departments to supervise the safety morestrictly. So the significance of reporting such news was much meaningful thanreporting how good the production of crops were or how smoothly leaders talkedwith each other.

Inaddition, media choose problems and emergencies to report in a large amount becausethey will draw people’s attention. In other words, people care about theseaffairs. Although such reports sometimes can cause excessive panic in themasses, we wouldn’t be guided mistakenly by others if we should discriminatethe severity correctly by ourselves.

To sumup, intrinsically, it isn’t of harm to report problems and emergencies. Whetherit will bring good to people depends on the sense of us.
叫我小叶 1年前他留下的回答 已收到1个回答

赤裸幽魂 网友

该名网友总共回答了21个问题，此问答他的回答如下：采纳率：90.5%

Today,空格we can see对news就不要用see了，we're bombarded by。。。news reports。。。这样的写法会亮把考官瞎眼的 more and more bad news appearing on our television like school标点符号不好，考官像吃苍蝇一样的感觉啊shooting accidents, aircraft accidents重复是要命的啊accidents换成crash吧 or some换成other吧，some不妥 natural catastrophe换成calamities吧，你那个catastrophe字，单复数纠结啊. These kinds标点符号不好，考官像吃苍蝇一样的感觉啊of news重复是要命的啊，news换成tragic events啊、tragedies啊 really shock people 【to a great extent画蛇添足啊】. There 【exist some，人不是东西啊，直接用are，多好啊】 people【who是必须要的啊】 harboringan 这里的几个字太大了啊，你的实力在6.5上下，避免堆砌生僻字啊idea that the trend of more negative news reported by media is detrimental标点符号不好，考官像吃苍蝇一样的感觉啊to our society and individuals. I can’t fully agree with this opinion. 上一句是感受，这里的opinion欠妥啊。I personally feel that they are over sensitive~~之类的。
下面就不看了，我要是写的话，会谴责媒体的做法的，它们像苍蝇喜欢垃圾一样啊。I would detest the media practice of swarming to such dark events。。。。祝你好运啊
Tobegin with, I think the biggest value of news is letting people know the truthand providing people with more useful information. Comparing with the news seemingto be harmonious, people are more supposed to know the news reflecting thereality, which is more profound. For instance, several aircraft accidentshappened last year stimulated people’s nerves about taking plane, and gave riseto people’s high attention on plane safety. Hencef。。。。

1年前他留下的回答

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